RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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