I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
