Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize