dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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