we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
