i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
