I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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