OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
