I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
