ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
