he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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