Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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