Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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