Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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