I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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