he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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