mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
