He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
