i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize