It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
