i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
