Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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