I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
