Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
