Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
