I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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