We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
