Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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