i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
