You're my little dorito
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
