One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize