I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
