I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize