just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
