sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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