beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
