dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
