I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have post one night stand depression
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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