I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
