gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
