dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
