you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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