dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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