party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
