I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
