i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone signed my nipple.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
