Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize