It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
