omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
