The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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