Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
