Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
