how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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