Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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