I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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