im holly from the hills drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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