I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize