If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
