Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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