Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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