You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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