i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
