The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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