so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
