Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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