I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
