I smell stomach acid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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