Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
