Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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