He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
