You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize