I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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