hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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