i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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