So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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