What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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