Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize