I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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