I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
