so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
