I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize