so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
