Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
