you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
