Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
