It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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