i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
