it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we're making bets on your personal life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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