Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
