Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
