Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
