our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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