I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
