Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
