plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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