i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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