I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Say something about gay babies.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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