Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
