Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
