i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
