meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
