WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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