I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
